Y, HI.
Rozand.
29th March.
Temasek Polytechnic.
In love with my best friend.
I make em good girls go bad. :)
Don't like me? As if I like you.

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Audrey
Cassandra
Desebelle
Fairli
Jazreel
Pei Wen
Rene
Serene
Seraphina
Stacy

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March 2009 / April 2009 / May 2009 / June 2009 / July 2009 / August 2009 / September 2009 / October 2009 / November 2009 / December 2009 / January 2010 / February 2010 / March 2010 /

Please do not remove the credits. :)

Layout/Editor: Purple-licious
xoxoxoxo

hellooooo! :) its been quite awhile since i've last updated, hehh. so my baby's been staying over at my house for the past 5 nights, he's staying again tonight. he'll be going into the ns soon so i won't be able to see him for like what, 3 weeks? :( i'm really dreading it, i don't want him to go! sighh.

plus my dad's coming home tmr, i wouldn't be able to spend time with adam once he returns, ugh. he'd demand that i get home early everyday. gosh, life has been awesome when my dad's not at home. we get to do whatever we want, sleep at whatever time we want, throw this and that ard the house. with no one nagging or breathing down our necks. but now, the peace has ended. =/ hope my dad travels again soon, doubt it'll be anytime soon tho.

so yeah, let's see now. went to my aunt's church today. i was in an extremely cranky mood this morning bcos my brother was blasting techno in the house, i mean, wtf man? its fucking 10 in the morning. then had lunch nearby, headed to Bugis to shop. SHOPPING SPREE FTW! :) bought 2 leggings, 1 top, bangles, a pair of shoes, a camera bag and a watch. awesome or what! i love my mom so much please. we'll be going shopping again next week. hehe!

the past few days were actually spent at home, with nothing much to do. just play the computer, my dress up games! hehh. i just suddenly have an obsession la. everytime i came online i'd go play dress up games :) kinda fun actually, plus i have lots of screen shots!

now that term tests are starting, i'd need to start studying =/ gosh. one more week till they start and i'm still playing la. ugh. remedial lecture tmr, bahh. really not looking forward to going to school tmr, i wish i could just stay at home & wake up as late as i want to. =/ but one can only wish, yes? hehh.

ok, watching Harper's Island now. i don't really know what's going on uh. hmm, so what should i wear tmr? think i'm going to stand in front of my cupboard to pick out something if not i'll be late for school tmr, hehh. plus adam's going with me! omg, Harper's Island is extremely exciting. omg omg omg. can't wait for the next episode!

hahahaha okok, time to head off. toodles! :)

i'm feeling very, very, very angry now. no seriously, i don't think anyone can probably understand how i feel now, unless they actually go through it themselves. i am feeling extremely disappointed and... omg i really don't know. i just wanna go to sleep now.

maybe i shouldn't be talking about this, it'll only make things worse than they already are. i guess he doesn't really see me as an important person in his life, only taking me for granted. if his friends are gone one day, it'll most prob impact him a lot. but if lets say if i go, he'll most prob grief for a few days then its the same thing again. you know? i just feel like he doesn't really care about this thing that we have. if he doesn't see us falling apart then i think he's not taking this seriously.

so... on a lighter note, school was fine today :) and quite shiok, no school tmr! hehe. lessons were ok, a little boring, as usual. ha and that stupid fucking bitch teacher complained to our CP that we haven't been attending lectures. like wtf? why only this particular subject, and why only us? wtf. so we had to meet our CP today to get a lecture from her, in public. now we have to be escorted to lecture every week for sure. knn! srsly, its damn stupid. gosh.

now that she's doing this to us, i'm probably gna hate OC more than ever la. :( whats more we've got to attend remedial this friday, thought i could skip school on friday but seems like i can't. school's taking too much of my time =/ i know la, i'm a student, school is supposed to be taking all my time, hehh. ok, sorry, i'm starting to talk rubbish.

hmm.. i hope tmr will be a better day. toodles, i'm gna head into bed now. forget about waiting for that jerk to come. like as if i have nothing better to do, just fucking wait for him all the time. i can't stand it anymore, i just want to... forget everything.

took this test from facebook, tagged by Serene. not gna post it in my notes but here instead :)
rather true personality test right there, really.

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. (I AGREE WITH THIS ONE A LOT. WATCH OUT, SLUTS)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. (HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT?)

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long. (HAHA VERY TRUE!)

-------------------------------

ok, back to update soon :) i miss my baby.

its almost 1am and i still haven't showered yet =/ i know la, i'm so dirty. but its just that i'm
rushing with my law assignment, that i have to complete by tmr cos tmr's the tutorial =/ ugh!

school was ok today i guess. had FPATH test today, guess it wasn't so bad but i'm hoping that i'll at least be able to get a pass, even though i didn't bother studying for it =/ i feel so lazyyyyy. plus there's PUO test tmr, which i'm totally not interested in studying for. blahblahblah! i'm kinda looking forward to law actually, she's a very nice teacher, plus she's extremely slack! :)

then i shld be going home after school bcos my baby's working afternoon shift tmr, wednesday as well. i'll miss him very much :( thursday he'll be staying over bcos my dad's not in the country, yipee! :) hehe. just hope adam's mom will let him stay over bcos its been an extremely long time since he last stayed over, i've always been staying over at his place, not that i'm complaining :)

gosh, i should get into the shower. i feel so sticky and grimy. was super broke today =/ only had $4 plus to settle my own dinner. nvm, tmr and wednesday i'll save money cos i wouldn't be going out. sighhhh. i wish i had a job. or i wish school paid me to study, life would be much easier that way! won't it?

i'm still feeling kinda down, from what happened the past few days. i really need to keep my mind occupied or i'd start thinking stupid thoughts. i know i have the support of all my friends, plus Adam's family as well. but i can't be so complacent that this won't happen again. and who knows, he might be going by the "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" logic. i'm really scared. i don't know i feel extremely threatened. i've never felt this way before. maybe bcos i feel that someone's better than me... i feel extremely lousy.

k then, think a hot shower should do the trick. and i guess i'll just sleep on it. managed to fall asleep last night even though i was so tempted to cry, ha. i feel so loserish, like really. no self confidence, like i'm fucking stupid & useless. you know the feeling? i guess no one really understands till they actually go through it.

okok enough of this shit. and i don't want Adam speaking her name in front of me. just makes my blood boil & yes, i do hate her with a passion. goodnight world :)

camweb fun, i love you baby. <3

while some of you might be wondering "eh? i thought you said it was over?" no, it isn't. i mean yes it was for a few days but i guess we have pretty much settled everything except for a tiny little imperfection, that i can't seem to get rid of, except Adam himself. that, i shall not elaborate. just in case ppl think that i'm acting like some high class bitch. :)

but as much as i try, i just can't really seem to get that out of my head. its very frustrating, really. i wish this wouldn't have to happen. really, i feel like tearing her face apart, fucking slutbagwhore. sorry, i don't share. so don't think i'd be so nice if you try to take a step towards my boy, i'll fucking bite your fucking head off. don't try me you fucking piece of shit.

so there's a test tmr, and i'm not exactly prepared for it. =/ ugh! its ok, i shall get my trustee friends to teach me before we enter the lecture theatre. and i'm feeling extremely tired, i think i shall skip PLM lecture? but thats just too bastard cos i really like her teaching. its hilariously funny pls, which makes it interesting bcos PLM is an extremely boring & dry subject, with full of words. hmm, i shall think about it again.

right then, i guess i should head into bed now. gotta be up early tmr, :( will be back to blog very soon, so keep your eyes peeled? HAHAHA wtf am i saying.

i love you baby. and i am NOT going to let some slut get in between us. 3's a crowd, won't take in anymore more than 2. i just hope you know what you're doing. <3

And what we had is no more.

it ends today, end of story, end of everything that i'll ever have. i'm feeling extremely lousy now, i doubt i'll be able to fall asleep tonight. my mind will be full of thoughts, "shit, did i do something i'll live to regret?" "can i live without this in my life?". many 'what ifs' as well. :(

i had to end it, i was going through so much pain. but is it as much pain as i'm feeling now? cos i'm heartbroken. and i feel soooooo... i just can't seem to describe this feeling. i wish to cry but i can't seem to shed a tear. my mind is full of thoughts, i wish i could just forget everything. i wish to sleep it off, wake up tmr feeling all happy again but i know it isn't possible at all. not one bit. not when it comes to matters of the heart.

school isn't gna take my mind off things. i only have 1 hour of school tmr, ends @ 12pm, then we'd be going to Katong to do our eyebrows & watch Mas get her hair cut :) but after that? what am i going to do once everyone goes home? i can't even focus on getting my assignment done, i have PLENTY to complete but just a few minutes into it, i just feel like giving up. was i too rash?

i don't know what to think. can't push this off my mind either, i've just grown.. too attached. its so hard to pretend nothing happened, bcos i suck at hiding my emotions. ok, not really i can hide them pretty well but i just wouldn't entirely be myself. =/ what am i supposed to do now? nothing seems to be affecting him tho, like he's living life normally.

i hope school will be ok tmr, its just 1 hour, what shit could possibly happen eh? but its PUO, confirm damn bloody boring. not looking forward to it bcos its Math and more math. sheesh. :( thx, i just totally rubbed it in for me, how dumb. -.-

its almost 1, i need to head in now. i really hope i'll be able to sleep & stop checking my phone each time my eyes open. no msges would come for me anymore, no calls would come for me anymore. i should stop checking my phone so very often, it won't be the same anymore.



goodbye forever.
"You love me but you don't know who i am."

goodnight world. <3 keep safe.

too lazy to use the scanner, hehh.

ok, so my 1 week break is over & i am extremely upset about it. sighh :( i'll have to go back to school, face the shit that all the students have been facing. i'm really not looking forward to school, really. i heard primary to jc students don't have school tmr, but unfortunately, we, the poly kids have to return to school =/ ahhhh fuck.

OC test tmr, during lecture i suppose. i dont really know what to study for so i'm just gna go to school tmr & whack. or maybe try to get some hints uh. and the best thing is that i dont have the OC tutorial paper, tutorial is tmr. KNN. :( ok i go see tutorial now. fuck la, nb.

i feel so fed up now, i can't really explain why. i haven't seen Adam all day even though i stayed over last night. cos i thought we could've met up for dinner but he had to be @ his grandma's house bcos today's Mother's day. so i stayed home after meeting the parents for lunch @ Dhoby, then went to Bugis to walk ard bcos my brother was having tuition near there.

wish i could lead the life of my brother, i mean, minus the gangster part. he's so carefree, he doesn't have to worry about anything. anything related to school: teachers, grades, homework, waking up early. while i have to worry abt all these, and trying my best NOT to fail? :( he's out now, he can come home any time he pleases, smoke in the house, blahblah. UNFAIR.

yeah i know i shouldnt be comparing to my younger brother, bcos i should be setting the example. I SET THE EXAMPLE, DAMMIT. but he's not following, so what can i say? i just wish my life would be easier =/ sigghh. i'm extremely upset, really. why do i feel like crying? is it just one of those days or have i really lost my mind? i need to go on a vacation. like seriously serious shit. plus there's frequent temperature taking, 2 sessions. wtfz. -.-

ok, i should stop complaining. time to get some sleep. i hope tmr will be an awesome day (i'm really hoping) bcos its a Monday & Mondays roughly gauge how my week will turn out like. i miss Adam so much, i guess i'd feel better if he were here to give me a nice big warm hug, everything would turn out better. uggghhhh. i miss you baby. :(

hmm.. kthen, off i go.

I LOVE YOu, HAMSUM. :)

and so today was spent @ home, slacking the day away, ugh. i told myself that i would get down to doing some tutorials, but what did i end up doing? NOTHING. gosh, i really need to start moving, i have missed 1 whole week of school & have done nothing productive. man, i suck.

so i left the house today, finally some sun shine! :) headed down to Bishan to meet the 5A2 '07 kids. i was feeling kinda nervous, i mean, it being the first time since how long ago that we last met up. and yeah, as usual, i was LATE. hehe. Rene ordered my Pad Thai before i arrived. and yes, i felt extremely unlucky bcos i was seated right with someone i haven't spoken to in a long time.

met Adam @ Bishan first, then Rene before going inside. had a smoke to calm myself down, then it was time to face my fears. before going in i swear i wanted to run away, to avoid everything. but then, why must i let 1 person affect this gathering i'm gna have with my classmates? right right? and yes, i was right. things went pretty cool from the moment i stepped in.

my food was cold & hard, the noodles stuck together =/ and i think it was quite hard to finish everything on my plate =/ hehh. it was VERY, VERY awkward, really. but i managed to warm up to everybody, including myself. (no really, what am i saying?)

bubble tea after dinner, Rene & i wanted to escape, hehe. the rest headed to Grape Vine while Rene & i proceeded to meet the very angry Adam who's friend bailed on him. she went off to meet wl, so Adam & i slacked. till i got a msg from Des that my assignment was due 12 midnight so i took a cab home (dammit, midnight surcharge) and completed it before the clock struck 12. only to find out its due 9am the following morning -.-

and so here i am, fresh out of the shower, ranting about my day. gosh, i'm hungry. wish i could have some food now, but its almost 3am. think i'd just ignore the hunger & just go to bed. i'm still sniffing, gosh when will this stop? :@ and i've got pictures with the boy, like freaking finally. cos i brought the camera out today. hehe.

CASSANDRA IF YOU'RE READING THIS, PLEASE SEND ME THE PICTURES! :) LUV YOU.

oh, and i got this too.


yes, i know. so fucking old school. when we were what, sec4? gosh. i really missed the times i had with the secondary school classmates. we'd do everything together. and look how time flies, we're all in different school. =/ lead different lives, some of us who used to be tight aren't even tight anymore.

still remember this day @ cassandra's house. camera whoring like no one cared. had so much fun there, watching the tv, listening to her brother play his bass guitar & drums. cooking maggi mee in this hugeass pot, sitting @ her dining table laughing over anything silly. those were the days huh, such carefree lives that we led. now we're all doing different things. a few are working, most of us are studying. those whom we thought never would've gotten boyfriends are happily attached. it was a surprise, really. but i'm happy for them :)

can't wait for the next gathering, hopefully more people will turn up.

wow, such a long post. i'm tired, time to head in.
goodnight world. <3

Labels: braggy

(i know this picture doesn't make us look that awesome. its an extremely old photo, taken like what, last year? gosh.)

HAPPY 13TH MONTH MY BABY :)

yayy, its 13th month, can you believe it?
even though i'm currently angry with you, but hey, you know i'll never stay angry at you for long right? hehe. :) i just love the tension.
so yeah, you'd better do something to make me happy tmr, i don't care.
make it up to meeeee. hmph.

i love you la babyboy,
here's to more happy happy months together.
*hugs and kisses aplenty!*

howdie doooo :) i've been excused from school for the entire week, i know, pure joy but i've been missing out on lessons and lectures & i am extremely afraid that when i return i won't be able to catch up with whatever i've missed =/ i'll bet those recorded lectures won't even help. sighhhh.

plus I don't even know who's in my law class, except for one student =/ ugh! and there's a project that's gna be due pretty soon but the best thing is that i haven't started nor do i know who's in my group. wtfz man.

and so i heard Swine flu's pretty settled already. Mexico's opened schools, museums & what have you there. so i guess life's gna be pretty normal from now? hopefully. plus my grandma's gna go to Korea, which would mean that she'll be at risk of contracting the disease. also, she might be brought to that quarantine place at Aloha Loyang once she returns. my mom & aunts are quite worried for her, i hope that God will keep her safe & well there. :)

went to the doctor today so extend my MC cos i was still having flu-like symptoms. i'm just afraid the school won't let me in bcos of my illness =/ plus i've heard security's gone up. students aren't allowed to enter school until they get their temperatures taken, get the 'you can pass thru' sticker, record their temperatures then they can start lessons. so everyday's long queue & waiting. which means they've to wake up extra early & bring their own thermometers bcos if you don't, you won't enter the 'Express Lane'.

guess this is how far everyone goes to preventing a pandemic from spreading throughout the entire population. all the security and checks that everyone has to go through. i wonder if they might have a quarantine room in school. maybe i could be brought there... not like as if i have Swine flu la, fuck. just keep me there till this flu goes away. i'm still sniffing & coughing actually.

3 days, i haven't seen the boy in 3 days and you bet! i'm upset. tmr's 1 year 1 month, but it doesn't really feel like anything special actually. i guess... you can say that i've been let down quite a number of times & it is very hard indeed to just depend on someone to make you truly happy for the rest of your life. sometimes i think its just better to depend on yourself, bcos who knows what other people might be thinking at times?

hmm... i'm getting kinda groggy. srsly i dunno why i've been so tired these few days. must be the flu getting to me. white blood cells, phagocytes - attack! damn, i guess my immune system's taking a break. what a time to just hibernate huh. ok i don't know what i'm talking about now.

and you know? i wish my dad would just stop teasing my brother. "working ah? working ah? working ah?" knn, shut the fuck up already. why can't you just get off our backs! really. its not like as if whatever we do is always wrong, is it? use your brains before you use your mouths ok. i'm not involved but i get really irritated when i listen to their conversation. i wish i had to ability to shut my ears sometimes.

ok then, more Facebook!
gosh, i really have no life =/

till then, Dear God, please keep my grandma well. :)

hi friends, gave school a miss today. was down with the flu & a cough. so i feel rather shitty today, really. =/ my throat hurts like mad, i can't stop sniffing & sneezing. woke up with a very phlegmy cough, so i went to the Polyclinic today to see the doctor.

had to wait 2 hours just to complete the whole process. had to even wear a mask, dammit. just bcos i was having some symptoms of swine flu, they made me wear a mask. ugh :( and the doctor was really cool, he just swiftly said "ok, 2 days mc for you." hehe. cos i couldn't make up my mind on how many days i should take off frm school. plus i had to wait even longer for my medication.

gosh, i am feeling extremely tired thanks to the medicines. ugh. my head feels heavy & i am not entirely alert. so afraid of closing my eyes, fall asleep for sure hehh. think i should head in early tonight. gosh, i'm even typing extremely sloww. =/

i miss Adam, haven't seen him in a day. hopefully i'll be able to see him by the time tmr comes, :) busy working & earning his keep. ugh, i have missed 3 days of school cos i didn't go on Thursday. and i know i've missed quite a lot of lessons. =/ dammit.

i wish everything could be viewed thru google live, so that i'll be able to know what's going on during lessons, hehe. but one can only wish, no?

right then, i'm feeling really drowsy, think i'll just go take a rest. can't stand the weight of my head, feels like its gna roll off my neck soon. fucking heavy, damn shit.

k, off i go.
kthxbai! :)

thanks Serene for the picture! :) hahah. but the other picture on your facebook, omg, i look like shit pls. :( hahahah. but thanks anyway.

my mom's sitting in front of me, lecturing me. wtf, i wish she would just shut up. no, really. i wish she would stop lecturing me on matters of the heart. its just damn irritating. no, i mean, DAMN IRRITATING. and so yeah, i'm not reall listening to what she's saying bcos really, why should i right? its what i want to do, not what she wants me to do.

and last night, it was my dad's turn. he was acting like such a childish bastard. he, being a father & an adult, it srsly was not the way in which he should have behaved. really. its damn stupid can. apparently, he has this hatred going on for Adam. i don't see why he should actually bother, its my problem. so everything he's blaming on Adam, so wtf. and i was so irritated with him. really, he was acting like such a kid.

meeting Adam @ Forum later on. can't wait, hehe. i've to leave like at 530 but i'm still here, in my room. watching videos on Youtube (yes, again) and i watched High School Musical 2 just now too. :) shit, i've got tutorials to complete, i just remembered. promise to complete them by tmr! hehh.

k then, time to go off. gotta get ready in a jiffy, though i highly doubt that, knowing me.

byebye kids! :)

thats little Andrea right there, so cute right! can't wait for her to be brought home pleaseeeeee.

so anyway, back to watching more videos.
toodlesss! :)