12:34 AM - Thursday, May 14, 2009
And what we had is no more.
it ends today, end of story, end of everything that i'll ever have. i'm feeling extremely lousy now, i doubt i'll be able to fall asleep tonight. my mind will be full of thoughts, "shit, did i do something i'll live to regret?" "can i live without this in my life?". many 'what ifs' as well. :(
i had to end it, i was going through so much pain. but is it as much pain as i'm feeling now? cos i'm heartbroken. and i feel soooooo... i just can't seem to describe this feeling. i wish to cry but i can't seem to shed a tear. my mind is full of thoughts, i wish i could just forget everything. i wish to sleep it off, wake up tmr feeling all happy again but i know it isn't possible at all. not one bit. not when it comes to matters of the heart.
school isn't gna take my mind off things. i only have 1 hour of school tmr, ends @ 12pm, then we'd be going to Katong to do our eyebrows & watch Mas get her hair cut :) but after that? what am i going to do once everyone goes home? i can't even focus on getting my assignment done, i have PLENTY to complete but just a few minutes into it, i just feel like giving up. was i too rash?
i don't know what to think. can't push this off my mind either, i've just grown.. too attached. its so hard to pretend nothing happened, bcos i suck at hiding my emotions. ok, not really i can hide them pretty well but i just wouldn't entirely be myself. =/ what am i supposed to do now? nothing seems to be affecting him tho, like he's living life normally.
i hope school will be ok tmr, its just 1 hour, what shit could possibly happen eh? but its PUO, confirm damn bloody boring. not looking forward to it bcos its Math and more math. sheesh. :( thx, i just totally rubbed it in for me, how dumb. -.-
its almost 1, i need to head in now. i really hope i'll be able to sleep & stop checking my phone each time my eyes open. no msges would come for me anymore, no calls would come for me anymore. i should stop checking my phone so very often, it won't be the same anymore.
goodbye forever.
"You love me but you don't know who i am."
goodnight world. <3 keep safe.
